Whine-Rant

Trying so hard to get out and live to seize the day to go out and do; the obstacles presented problems discovered nothing can just go right.

Alone accompanied what to do? Where to go? To a club a bar a party not my “scene” – to wander the streets alone just as pitiful as sitting at home uptown alone. What is desired? What is sought? A companion, someone with whom to share the life the laugh the night, with hwom one can truly be free be aware be true?

Or is just sought a change a break from the monotony something new to seek to learn to do? Vindication, maybe; verification that the life-choices made were in fact the right ones, that things really will work out okay in the end?

Left right everywhere praise acclaim astonishment at all that has been as of yet “accomplished” — and for what? What extraordinary has been done, really? Leaving school twice working contractual freelance jobs providing zero work stability, no guarantee that there will be a “next time” – being the absolute bitch of several producers and having no choice but to put up with it, even if it means working wasting my time for naught? To be used so and tossed aside, to have nigh all calls and messages from seemingly interested companions completely ignored and unanswered — to be forced to live in a tyrannous household far, far from the city desired the city loud the city yearned for so. What praise, really?

There is no stability. There is no structure of school or schedule to keep time by. There is no promise of having a job of being paid of having somewhere to crash at the end of a day.

Accomplishments, hah. I have done nothing but ride the waves of my own creation — and look, look indeed and in truth where they have taken me.

I’d rather be fishing.